By Shirin Samuel
It is a relevant subject for all times from the beginning of God’s creation of the world. God’s creating of a woman was to complete God’s plan of human life on earth. The subject ‘Woman’ is as deep and wide a subject as an ocean. Her story started at the time when God created the world. It continues as every minute a baby girl is born who will be a woman one day. She will play different roles in her life like a man does. A man has an unchallenged Superior place. A woman lives her life amid denied privileges still exist in the modern world in many places all over the world.
This is a historic subject but will remain alive for attention and discussion in present and future times because she is equally important in the cycle of human life. She has become for multiple other reasons one of the pertinent issues of great significance.
The issues of women have been very dear to my heart from my young age. I used to see my mother helping women in many situations. During that period there was not as much awareness of giving attention to women’s issues as I experienced after our marriage. I noticed different treatment for the girl child in a community of Christian people in Drigh Road in Karachi. My husband was assigned to work as a pastor in Drigh Road.
I met many women from different cultures and countries during my time of working with women with International Committee of Fellowship of the Least Coin. I learnt to notice the treatment of discrimination during my time with Asian Church Women’s Conference. We Asian women met for seminars to discuss and learn more about this very pertinent issue. The issues were the same as my mother’s time but they were looked at differently. The root cause was the same. The difference may be that in present times the issues are not hidden. They are exposed and noticed. Some sensitive and concerned people for humanity have accepted that the discriminatory attitude and treatment for the female child become the obstacle and hindrance for the progress of the society. The basic cause is gender inequality, injustice, and to live in present times as slave to ancient traditional values. It is most difficult to break the ancient tradition.
I consider myself very fortunate that I was involved in many activities of great opportunities where I was introduced to different situations. Some situations were very encouraging to be celebrated. There were situations where women learnt the purpose in their lives. They learnt with great difficulties to make discoveries of abilities in themselves, working independently to make their contribution for the betterment of their family, society, and their own self. They play vital different roles in family, community, and society. When a woman becomes confident to cross the boundaries of her own home and steps outside in the world, a different situation than her daily chores, some women are prepared mentally to encounter the challenges in their new field.
I found this kind of situation in South Africa in 1991 in the times of apartheid. Their struggle was for freedom for everyone living there. Their participation in the struggle was to be praised for their courage . . They took the responsibility for the most difficult task, which was to arrange and perform the funerals for the people who were dying in big numbers every day in their fight for freedom. Their own husband or sons were among those who were dead in some cases. They were holding hands and hearts together in unity for the sake of their freedom, for themselves and for their coming generations.
Systems like education, economics, sensitivities for social change, religious ideologies, and advancement in technologies have affected the whole world. . All the factors written above did not only impact some special individuals but everyone in three generations.
In some cases, very intelligent girls when they are still young start asking questions that are enveloped with great facts of our traditions. Sometimes those inquiries are put to parents to some test through questions are as why? How? What? Who?
Papa ki Laadli Ma ki Jan (Most Loved, Dearest)
It is interesting in our culture that the parents will express their love and affection for their daughter with words like “laadli” means most loved. Are these words just remaining words or taken deep down in emotions and actions ever?
The word ‘Laadli’ in most majority situations is verbal expression. The actual practice is entirely different. I do not deny that there is no love for girls but the degree, expression in practical demonstrate unjust attitudes.
The boy in most situations, even in educated families are treated as a supreme creation of God. Wherever it is done I would say that we should remember the fact, God made man and woman in His own image.
We experience this discriminatory tradition in different forms on different occasions. There is no limit to this attitude. It is seen for the choice of food, for the preference for better opportunities for schooling for the boys. Some parents have more liberating attitudes in bringing up the boys and strict rules for the girls. This fact cannot be denied that this attitude of parents plays an imperative role in forming the personalities of children. The instructions for different treatment are not given to the female child but she learns slowly from their parents’ behaviors. Many times, without realizing in everyday conversation, parents express their emotions fully assured that the boys are the ones who will take care of their old parents.
In some cases, they do. But their daughters never leave their parents suffering. I am trying to put these kinds of examples because these behaviors build up the personality of the children. The girls who talk less but smile more in response when you talk to them, they are liked by most people. If she answers every question or gives us her opinion she is labeled as a very talkative girl. In most cases it makes her to be silent even though it affects her thinking and as a result she loses her creativity. The confidence of girls is shattered in their childhood. Some of them, under their circumstances, accept their place as inferior to boys. The opportunities are not made available to take decisions in household affairs. Nature becomes to accept what others decide for her. In modern times, the education has given confidence to young women. They have more knowledge about their surroundings and through the media they are aware of every day’s happenings in the world. Through different programs initiatives of different women and men are staged, interviews of women are rallied of their achievements and progress. It gives courage to other women too.
A most special role of a woman to give birth to a child. Before I write about the birth of a child. I would like to mention a very inevitable thought. The newly married couple should understand that they both come from different backgrounds; different circumstances and they are two different people with their likes and dislikes. The most important is acceptance for each other and must be sensitive enough that the change can be brought but it takes on slow path. She had the first role to be with Adam as his companion. God is the only who is “one’. She is God’s creation. She had a role from the beginning to bring a new life in the world in accordance with will of God our Creator.
The experience of a woman to give birth to a child after having different experiences of joy or fatigue for nine months. She tries to look after herself for the sake of her child who receives food from her body. This is a divine experience. She steps in a different world of love and sacrifice and learns to love other person beside her own self. The child takes first place in her life. There is another important matter that must be understood in its depth that two people are united together to make a ‘home’ not a ’house’. There is a custom in society that puts the family of the girl in great difficulty that is dowery. That consists lots of money to buy the household furniture, utensils, beddings, fridge, and T.V etc., and all the things to decorate and set up the house. It creates distance in relationship between families of the girl and the boy. If the girl’s parents cannot provide all what boy’s parents demand, then the girl lives for long years under the threat and ill treatment from the in-laws and her husband. If the couple understands that they are going to establish a ‘home’ then the story is very different.
The new couple needs love and understanding, contentment, concern, patience, tolerance, interdependence, spirituality, faithfulness, sincerity, truthfulness, and determination to live happily with each other under harsh realities or with comforts. It is to work for the growth of each other. if the new married couple try to make home even with their less possession, I believe progress and prosperity will be gifted by God.
4 In the days of her pregnancy, she continues her role as usual. In some cases, she is beaten by her husband and she is not supposed to complain about it. It is a secret between her and her husband. People might say it happens in illiterate families but it happens in the household at any level or status. She continues her job in some cases in times of financial need of the family. After the baby is born, she goes back again and does all her chores. In some cases, the husband does not care for her diet. Family planning is the choice of her husband or her in-laws. Every woman gives birth to her child with labor pain and bleeding. In some situation of excessive poverty, women are very weak and do not get the balanced diet or proper food but they continue feeding their babies. Many times, I ask the question to myself what she is feeding to her baby when she herself is undernourished, the answer I receive from my own thinking, it is not the food she is feeding but she is sacrificing her feeble body. She is not concerned about her own health; this is her motherhood that forces her to give away for her child whatever she has. Her sole purpose is food for the baby, she is ready to sacrifice. She feeds from her weak body that causes making herself weak and sometimes sick. But she expects that her child should not be hungry. This is the most appreciated sacrifice of a mother. When the children are small, she has no appointed time to sleep and stays awake. She does not mind getting up in the middle of the night if she needs to be beside her child. I have tried to draw a picture of woman and her womanhood with my words. I am confident if you ask a photographer, he can easily take can photos of the situations written here. This is not to be shy of our cultural tradition and attitudes but they are to be changed to give dignity and respect considering that woman is also creation of the Supreme God. Garhwali (Owner of the House) When the girl grows as a woman and gets married, she is given another title a very positive one “Garhwali”, means she is owner of the household. In the real sense the property belongs to the husband in most cases but she has this title because she manages the household. It is keeping the house clean, keeping the house tidy, attractive, cooking, laundry, every day buying vegetables etc. Taking care of the children, getting their homework done, discipline them, give them instructions in religious education, look after the elders of the family. She is the first one to wake up and the last one to finish work and retire to sleep. She earns this very beautiful “title” after performing these numerous roles given above.
In some cases, the money to purchase vegetables etc. is given to her each day and then she must give an account for it each day. The husband is tired after his day’s work but the wife should never complain that she is tired. If anything goes wrong with the discipline or in any other affair of the household, the mother or housewife is blamed especially by her in-laws in many cases by her husband also. 5 Tum chup raho ( you be quiet) There is another very loved tradition in the families that there is an expression used commonly, “ tum tu chup raho”, “ tere mushware ki koi zarurat nahin hai” Her suggestion is not needed, her opinion is hushed, and she is asked to be silent.
I feel this is the most destructive and insulting tradition not to give dignity to humanity, crushing her self-confidence, creating doubt and fear in her heart with the feelings of inferiority. Zar, Zameen, Zun (Wealth, Land, Woman) These three distinguished words are wrapped up with great influence and power. They have an indispensable place for the inhabitants of Pakistan. They are beautiful and very attractive for everyday life. They are the strong foundation of our society. Like wealth in the form of money is necessary for everyday living. The land is a property in the form of house property or farming land, both are very precious. The property has a special identity. Every person and family would like to have more property for many reasons. Some families work hard and sacrifice their pleasures.
A woman a part of human race, she has a spiritual special privilege to function for the continuation of humans. They have the opposite side an ugly side. There are fights, feuds and conflicts. At times they exaggerate to the extent that there are court cases and matters relating to these create fights end up in killing and lifelong hostility and hatred between families and tribes and communities last for generation.
A change of attitude for women some decades ago in last two or three decades “Woman” had been a subject that attracted the attention of many to reflect on. It was felt among women and some communities of women and men that they needed to be treated with justice and should be given equal rights. They should not be the victim of oppression. An ancient concept may be centuries’ old that woman is an inferior creation of God, and man is superior. It took decades for the change of the concept.
The thinking of writers and poets and theological ideologies in some religions took courage to speak up for the change in favor of women. As the whole world especially the western world with its technical advancement they also discovered the abilities of women. But still they were not granted the equal place to man. To discuss, to reach some decisions to make some resolutions and, to draw attention of many different people, organization and sensitive individuals, reformers, and social workers, the writers and poets made their own contributions.
The film industry and the social media also play their fair role to lift the image of girl child and status of women. Some governments sensitive to women’s issues took some constructive decisions in their wellbeing. They allocated some funds so their conditions can be improved and reformed. All the religions of the world took notice of the fact that in their religious 6 books’ women have a supreme place they interpret it but they find impossible to practice it living in the world where women are considered a second-class human being. It was extremely important that many organizations accepted the challenge to help women.
Some of these organizations did not limit to only have discussions but to take up the responsibility to plan projects to uplift the position of women in rural and urban areas. The question arises why “Woman” became the matter of concern of so many in the society all over the world. Why did it become the center of attention that was taken for discussions and plan constructive programs? The need was felt and this important subject remains to be confronted to lift the image of woman. Was it because women are half of the human population on this earth? Are they key to sustainable survival for humans?
There are some questions; we women of the present times have to retrospect to provide answers. It is helping to find our role, give dignity to womanhood and make women also aware what great adventures they can do and how helpful they can be in the progress of our society on many levels. In my daughter’s childhood first two decades in most families, the realization of the importance of education for the girl was felt immensely important and the concept was made practically compulsory. Many women found place to study in universities. In cities like Multan University was opened. Many private institutions were opened. Many families changed their thinking to send their daughters for higher education. As the technology was improving there in college and universities new subjects were introduced and there was a possibility for young women to have degrees in varied subjects and possibilities to get jobs in offices and different businesses. Acting independent for women was slowly becoming necessary.
The most difficult step is that if they have one voice they should be courageous to express aloud that it can be heard attentively and they receive response rather than their voice is lost in the middle. The most difficult step is that if they have one voice, they should be courageous to express aloud that it can be heard attentively and they receive response rather than their voice is lost in the middle. Here also comes very important responsibility on the shoulders of mothers. They should prepare their daughters as how they spend their time in classes or at work with their male coworkers. How much freedom they can be allowed? The girls and boys must be taught that work is very important but their dignity is most important. They must learn to respect each other.
The word ‘Freedom’ is very important to be discussed, to give it a place in the whole of society. It relates to women and men both. It should be an act for human progress and prosperity. Before owning and practicing freedom, our young generation should be taught carefully to self- discovery their abilities, and aptitudes. We older ones must help them to take seriously to give confidence to 7 younger ones to make their decisions. Their needs have very close relationship of trust between parents and children. There are places where even in modern times in Pakistan women’s respect is at stake. Those places are where women and men both are working together like factories, where bricks are backed where many poor women bricklayers work, hospitals where nurses work with male community too. It is important to teach children with privilege there is responsibility also. We cannot sit back with many negatives, defeat, failures and discouragements and hopelessness.
There are broader roads but there are narrow branches, they transport people from narrow streets to broader roads. They are for everyone. We must cross narrow ways to reach broader ones. They can be crossed with courage, fortitude, risk, bold and loud voice, demonstrate our talents to others. These lessons to cross and reach the broader roads must be taught by the parents. It will be very fruitful if the Church makes the plans and projects to give confidence to girl child. For most people there are role models. For some their parents or their teachers or their relatives and friends are their ideals. In our biblical stories we find some women and men who can be our role models not only in our spiritual life but in our everyday community life.
In history of our own sub-continent, we find some women the examples of wisdom, intelligence, bravery, confidence, freedom fighters, and some held the highest place as prime ministers or presidents. There are symbols of encouragement for us in old times. Their lives are illustrating that if one has a firm resolve and one puts hard work and one has intent to achieve the goal. Their lives are illustrating that if one has a firm resolve and one puts in hard work and one has intent to achieve the goal.
There is always a reward. I share the example of a woman named Florence Li Tim-oi from Hong Kong was the first woman ordained to the priesthood in the Anglican Communion in 1944. She ministered to believers in wartime in Macau. Her ordination was hugely controversial and she soon resigned.
In 1971, Hong Kong Anglicans became the first to permit the ordination of women priests. (Google) The first woman to be democratically elected as prime minister of a country was Sirimavo Bandar Anaika of Celone in present days it is Sri Lanka. She led her party to victory in 1960 in general election. There are many other examples of women who remained firm in their resolve and attained their goal successfully.
Mrs. Indra Gandhi became the first woman Prime Minister of India. Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto first woman became the Prime Minister of Pakistan. It is sad to remember that both were assassinated. In last decades Bangladesh had two women president of their country brought great progress in their 8 country. Taiwan, Indonesia, Philippines and Korea had women presidents. They struggled through and served their countries with their dedication and abilities. The present generation lives in a very different environment. It is ongoing progress;, in Pakistan the progress depends on foreign exchanged economy.
The largest part of population in Pakistan must think deeply how to take advantage for their progress. I feel it is a slow process. The NGOs, the Welfare organizations, and the religious organizations, one of them is our Church should have forward looking purpose and prepare their youth to think for the present and future including women and neglected and oppressed people of the society.
Education is the best tool that opens many closed doors. Divorce the traditions those promote discriminatory attitudes, bring justice and equality. Trust and value for faithfulness between each married couple is indispensable to create and advance each day in these values. It brings joy and satisfaction to life. If it is followed the courts will have more time to take some constructive decision than wasting their time to separate and bring long lasting sadness and separation not only between husband and wife but for the next generation too. We women and men both should recognize and start appreciating that woman is the backbone not only of their family but of their nation and the country. In present times they are coming forward progressively to be the backbone of the economy. She brings joy, love and compassion as a special creation of God.
Note: My thoughts are based on the situations of women from the Sub-continent of Indo-Pakistan. The discriminatory behavior towards women is prevalent all over the world.
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